TSA Pervs Gone WILD!

I always opt out of the scanner and go for the grope. In my not-so-humble opinion, anyone who walks thru that scanner is not smart enough to parent. Hopefully, they don't already have kids because, after a few trips, they won't be able to parent. Small comfort. I can't keep my mouth from hanging open while I watch parents send their kids through a machine that irradiates them and shows them naked to the pervs behind the curtain. Who's the sicker party?

To date, I've been groped about 10 times and, really, nothing to write home about. The waistband check is completely annoying, but otherwise, I have no complaints. I'm not modest, so I guess that helps.

The past two times, however, the pat down was very aggressive. The first time, in Nashville's BNA, the droness karate-chopped my vagina four times: once for each leg from the front, once for each leg from the back. I was so stunned, I didn't say anything. Since this had never happened before, I attributed it to the sloppy young woman doing the grope. Previous pat downs have been explained thoroughly and done slowly and carefully, never touching me there. This pat-down was invasive and it hurt.

Last night, at Ft. Lauderdale Int'l, was the second time. When I was directed toward the scanner, I told the TSA worker bee that I opt out. He said, "You know you will have to submit to a pat-down?"

Me: "Yes, as long as no one touches my vagina."

Male TSA perv, grinning disgustingly: "Well, I don't know about that. I only do guys."

So... he doesn't know women have vaginas?

They bring over a young woman, quite fat. This is important because she has nice fat hands as well. Something you want to consider when they are doing a pat down. We go to the pat down area and I tell her that I don't want her to touch my vagina. She says, "I have to go up till I meet resistance."

Me: "Don't touch my vagina. I've been patted down many times and no one has ever touched my vagina. Last time the girl was quite careless and I don't want to go through that again."

The young droness adopts an attitude. She will not look at me. She does not explain the pat-down which I know is required. She does hair, back, then butt using back of hands... then starts with leg one. Starts up the leg, not slowly but not fast either, until, BAM, she gets to the top of my thigh and swiftly karate chops my vagina. WTF?

I stepped back and yelled at her, "HEY! You just karate chopped my vagina. [Yeah, I gotta way with words, don't I?] Don't touch me there!"

She will not look at me, but looks with exasperation at her cohort, the male TSA worker who she has called over to watch since I'm so clearly hostile. He is still grinning like the consummate professional he is. We have a little stand off. I show her where resistance is: I spread my legs wide, take my hand and touch the top of my leg where the pelvis is and -- SURPRISE --  it's NOT the middle of my hoo-hoo! Whaddya know?

We assume positions and she does the exact same thing other leg. I yell and step back. She's exasperated, gritting her teeth, will not look at me. That's when I notice her hands and suggest perhaps her hands are too big to pat me down. They ignore that.

At this point, I'm thinking maybe they don't like me. Nah... how could that be? They hardly know me.

BTW, I'm wearing a Chico's traveler outfit which means you can see all my cellulite. Like, where am I going to hide bomb-making materials?

We assume positions. She starts on the front. I notice the boob grope is also much more aggressive: she's touching all the boob except the nipple. This is a new TSA.

She gets to the front of one leg and exact same scenario. My vagina is starting to burn, she's hit it so hard three times now (just like at BNA). I yell, jump aside, show her where resistance is AGAIN. But, alas, she's too dumbed-down to get the distinction. Last leg, same thing. I am FURIOUS and speaking quite loudly. She wants to repeat that last leg because she has been told to do the movement all in one sweep or some such nonsense. I'm adamant that is not going to happen again. The guy, who is a supervisor (knowing anatomy is apparently not a requirement), says, "No, just finish up." Little tiny victory. I'll take it.

We finish, I gather my stuff and proceed to the gate. I do my best to let it go because, damn it, I'm not going let them assault me, then rent space in my head to boot.

I'm not going to stop flying. I'm not going to let them intimidate me into giving up travel which I enjoy. Like, I'm going to allow the TSA to steal anything from me? I will continue to go for the grope -- which I know they dislike doing -- and I will continue to talk back. So far, that is still legal. I'm going to add in a little casual conversation about how TSA workers who have worn dosimeters at work have quit after the very first day. There's quite a victory. Dosimeters are on sale at ebay, too.

Meanwhile, the sheeple continue to file into the radiation machine because it is easier than standing up for themselves and their children. And because they've chosen to believe the outright lies the TSA has told them about scanner safety.

I am stunned by this ignorance, by this trust despite all evidence, a testament to my continued naiveté. I'm disgusted I'm the only one I EVER see going for the grope.

If people really get the government they allow, we are in serious trouble.