LETTING OURSELVES BE LOVED
Our friends and family are keeping us out of total despair. This is my girl, Sam, my "faux" daughter, slightly older than my sons. We met in Costa Rica and fell in love. My whole family fell in love with Sam and she with us. You know how you meet someone and go, "Ok, new family member." That's Sam.
When I was in the hospital in Costa Rica, barely alive and unable to move, my family had to take turns sitting with me from 7am to 11pm to make sure I got my meals and to the potty. Sam took one of the shifts, every day for almost 2 weeks. Literally family.
She came to visit for a week. She knew and loved Morgan like the rest of us. Like Brian and Molly, Sam was just here, loving us and hanging out. I never realized how valuable that would be.Nor did I realize how important it would be for our friends to call us, invite us out (and make sure we go), hug us, check on us. They don't care if we are not our normal cheerful selves. They listen to us cry and allow us to be terribly terribly desperately sad. And they are not afraid to make us laugh.
There is nothing else to do. You can't stop that flow. You can't not cry. And it's so weird. Yesterday I cried all day, so sad, missing Mo, remembering moments, wondering why such an amazing human would do such a thing. Today, I'm pretty good (except now talking about it of course). But I have some acceptance today. Who knows about tomorrow?
A good friend called and we talked about his sister who took her own life 2 years ago. He told me about how he cried for 6 months. How if he'd only known how bad it was (her depression), maybe he could have done something.
That's us: we had NO idea this was an option. If anyone had asked, we would have said, "Mo? Never!" We keep looking back at the last few months and seeing clues NOW... but there is no way we could have known. And we were talking to him, offering every bit of love and support we had.
Another friend introduced me to his sister who went thru this and she told me to listen to Tom Zuba teaches A New Way to Do Grief and I did, I will. I bought his book.
We're also listening to Consciousness Medicine and Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. In between chapters of Patrick O'Brien's Aubrey-Maturin series (think Master & Commander), of course.
And I'm working which is sanity-saving. Please ask me questions, lol. My Arbonne & It Works families have been so supportive and loving. "Whatever you need" attitude. My dear friend and CRAFTCAST™ boss, Alison, is a rock. We talk almost every day.
And thank goodness we work for ourselves at home. What if we had to worry about keeping a job right now? I can't even imagine... but we don't. I can take a break whenever I need to.
Sam and I walked the woods behind our house yesterday. Gorgeous day. Hal and I are so so grateful for our friends and family. We realize that these relationships are the most important piece of our lives. Not work, not weight, not even c-c-c-coffee, not movies, not a car payment... nothing beats friends & family for what matters. You "know" this of course but it's taken on new meaning and depth. Worth every bit of love and attention in that direction.