"How Are You Feeling?"
I've been getting that a lot lately, combined with seriously concerned looks, both in Kentucky and here in Costa Rica. I was wondering why until I happened to catch myself in the mirror last night. You know, just regular, without the posing. It was a little scary: the hair. No wonder people look at me like I might break! Here's what they see:
Scared yet? Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! That little bald spot in front is attractive, yes? I can't dye my hair because what's left will probably dissolve. It's all dry and stiff, un-tame-able and creepy feeling. You can't really see how thin it is here, but, trust me, what you see is all there is. Hal trimmed it when I got back... imagine this mess longer? Aaaiieeee.
I feel excellent now, back to normal except for periods of low energy. Remember when I said there's a whole layer of anxiety missing from my life? I'm not sure that it's just anxiety that's missing; I think some of it is the thyroid/adrenal low energy thing keeping me veeerrrrry calm. It's not bad, I don't have to lay down and take a vapor, just an occasional power nap. It's connected to the low temperature thing, which is great in hot weather: I have at least a whole degree on everyone else, so while they are all sweaty and gross, I remain cool and calm. Sickly looking, but cool.
I've decided not to take any drastic measures like going to see a doctor about my thyroid (some people never learn), and just give my body a chance to correct itself. A doctor will put me on drugs and there is time for that. But I have two theories:
1. The low temperature/thyroid, which causes low energy and hair loss, is my body's way of slowing me down so it can repair. Like Major Slow Down. But the bald spots all have peach fuzz on them and my head itches like crazy sometimes, so either I have another disease or the hair is growing back. I'm going with new hair and body repair.
2. The other thing is that all my systems got out of whack big-time what with antibiotics, induced comas with intense drugs (excellent drugs... so good, I'm afraid to find out what they were), very little water and no food for quite some time, then no nourishment when I finally did get food. What is it with hospitals and nutrition? "No nutritious food or drink, that will retard your healing. Nurses, be mean to all the patients, it will encourage them to get better."
Plus, it really did take almost two months before I started to feel normal. So three months of extreme physical and emotional stress. That's gonna take a toll.
I trust that my body will heal itself. These are remarkable machines carrying us on the journey, I'm very impressed with mine. I'm going to give it every opportunity to rejuvenate and do my best to stay out of its way. Ok, so moving is not very high on the restorative scale. However, I'm taking it one day at a time, eating right and napping. If I have to throw out a bunch of excellent crap, so be it. I am not going to stress over the little stuff.
I'm eating with particular attention to nourishing and healing my disgestive system, following Weston Price guidelines, using the Nourishing Traditions cookbook. My new goal is Vibrant Health. I've been healthy all my life and, although it doesn't look like it, I'm pretty healthy now. But I want Vibrant Health: to feel my best, to look my best. Not "pretty," which I realize has been my goal in the past because I took health for granted, but vibrantly, buzzingly, robustly healthy. If one's digestive system is not in the pink, nothing else can be. Heal that, we have a fighting chance.
I just read Performance Without Pain and it is my new bible, very inspiring. $11, a quick read, a bite-sized primer for WAPF living. Honestly, you won't regret the $11. And if you buy it via my link, I'll get about $.41 of that $11. Woohoo, I'll take it.
When I get settled, I'm also going to start doing Hot Yoga, using this DVD. Robbie, my Ayurvedic guide (and incredible massage therapist and instructor), says I'm a pitta and should avoid the hot stuff. But I love hot spicy food and, especially right now when I'm so cool, the hot yoga is just too appealing. Maybe it's the low temperature thing, but I wanna be HOT. We'll see... it's just a DVD, right? I mean, how much trouble could I possibly get into?
But back to something more interesting, like how I look. Maybe I'll really shave my head and my husband and I can be one of those aging twin couples. Ok, maybe not. Honestly, I like a little hair. Better some than none... I swear my hair is more silver than it woulda been if I hadn't gotten sick. But, hey, this is what I said I wanted: silver hair. I can hardly complain now.
Or can I?