Discover more from Sally's Real Life
How do you navigate a crater?
In one of my groups, a woman shared that her husband of 20+ years died 2 months ago and she was having a hard time moving on.
Two months. We expect so much of ourselves, right? And the truth is most of us have never had a spouse or a child die so we don't know how to act, what to expect, how long it will take to "move on".
Hal and I lost a child.
Inconceivable. Our 29yo son took his own life last March. There is no preparation for losing a child. It's horrific, shocking, should not happen to anyone ever. We still can't believe this is our life. We've always been the lucky family. And we still are in so many ways. But a meteor hit and we are still navigating the crater it left behind.
"Move on"? I can't imagine that ever happening really. Not ever. But you do keep moving.
That's the best thing we've done, just keep doing everything. We didn't stop working, although we spent a lot of time staring at the screen. We cried literally all the time but just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Anytime people invited us out, we went. We joined activism groups. We went to restaurants & parties. We went crying & our friends just rolled with it.
We did some one-on-one therapy which was very helpful. We did not find comfort in support groups. I think because you talk about the pain & the person & we weren't ready to do that. I keep all the info handy because I can see how it will be helpful down the road.
Losing Mo was devastating, we want him back.
We miss getting to watch him grow into the man and father we know he wanted to be. But, apparently, that's not going to happen because God is not a genie & Mo had other ideas. He's in heaven with his grandparents & aunties, planning the next great adventure.
When Mo was 4, he said, "Remember when I was in heaven and I picked you to be my mommy?" Oh my gosh, I hope he picks us again!
We are so so grateful to have had Mo for 29 years.
We still cry every day, but it's quick. We stopped trying not to cry, lol. The sadness doesn't reach all the way down thru my body like it did. I can look at pictures of Mo now and smile. And we are so blessed with his babies, 5yo Lake & 2yo Sam.
See their cubby shelves behind me? Ready for the next visit 🦄 🚚 🍏 🍕 🦖
How do you navigate a loss?
There are so many of us suffering a loss right now. What is the most helpful lesson you've learned? Please share, I could use your advice, thank you.